Dogs and Butterflies

I met a woman today at a native American information booth while enjoying my hometown's bicentennial celebration.  Dressed in her regalia she began showing my children and I a board filled with pictures of animals and symbols.
She asked us to select our favorite and she would explain each spirit animal. The kids were fascinated and spent several minutes selecting their animals. I glanced over the board rather quickly and two pictures seemed to draw my attention. The dog and the butterfly. As she described the butterfly's appearance of fragility she also spoke of the transformation that each butterfly has gone through to realize its full beauty and potential. Next she explained that the dog stands for loyalty and strength. She said that it represents the loyalty I have to my family, my children, my friends and to all around me in that I show kindness and respect for others and Mother Earth. She also spoke of the dog's strength in combination with the transformation of the butterfly indicates that many changes in close succession have been or will be a part of my life and that I will gain new strength with each challenge and each transformation. 

She went on to say that I am guided by these spirits and have their traits within me. That through my strength and loyalty I will remain firmly rooted on mother Earth and show my beauty through my perseverance. As she spoke she placed her hand on my shoulder and I could feel pain leaving my heart. Not physical pain but sadness and worry. The weight I carry on my shoulders every day became lighter. With that touch and her description of so much close to my heart I was given a sense of peace. A feeling of renewed determination and confidence.

I know many would see that as a fortune teller using a person's appearance and behavior to "read" them. I am certain the worry and hurt were evident in my eyes and my expression, but knowing that she was able to read me and chose to provide comfort to a stranger was a comfort in itself.

We have all been judged and found lacking at some point in our lives. It is not right or good for one to make another feel inadequate, to feel like a failure, especially when all the facts are not known. I have also had the good fortune to develop strength and determination to face the challenges head on, with confidence.

As Eleanor Roosevelt so wisely said, "no one can make you feel inadequate without your consent."
I withdraw my consent or any imagined consent others have to make me feel inadequate or "less than," effective immediately.

I am preparing myself for the next transformation, the next opportunity to demonstrate my strength and courage to my children so they will never allow another person to make them feel inadequate. I want them to think every day what the wise woman told them about their spirit animals. I want them to learn from her descriptions and see that they are very much like the animals they selected. Animals that are not ever discussed as favorites a home.
 

My daughter selected the deer, a young doe with white flecks in fact. The deer stands for gentleness. The flecks suggest freckles, which she has. The freckles are indicators of God's love for her and represent his kisses and the kisses of those loved ones  who have gone on.
 

My son selected the squirrel. The squirrel is said to be a gatherer or a collector. Squirrels are also seen as clever and generous, suggesting he will have what he needs or more and will not be stingy, that he will share his gifts with those he loves and that he will use his talents wisely.
Those attributes identified by the Wise  Woman are the attributes I want to watch grow and develop in myself and my children over the coming years as we face transformations in our home, our hearts and in our surroundings.

Those few moments with the Wise Woman, someone I had never met before, brought me more peace and showed me once again the importance of kindness to others. She was truly concerned for the sadness she felt in my spirit and sought to take some of the weight and pain from me. She truly demonstrates love and respect for others, honesty and kindness and the willingness to comfort a soul in need, a person who can offer no payment but gratitude. 

I want to live by that example, teach my children to seek to help others, others who may not even realize they need the help. This Wise Woman showed me care and compassion,  she saw my need and met it.  She took the opportunity to treat another as she wants to be treated. She took a moment to comfort and care for a stranger. In just a short time she demonstrated the love for others I have heard spoken of so often but witnessed rarely.

To this Wise Woman, I say thank you. I will take all that I learned from you and do all that I can to provide that same comfort to someone who needs it.

at′ə to̵̅o̅d′

The dictionary definition of attitude:

1. the position or posture assumed by the body in connection with an action, feeling, mood, etc.: to kneel in an attitude of prayer
2. a manner of acting, feeling, or thinking that shows one's disposition, opinion, etc.: a friendly attitude
3. one's disposition, opinion, mental set, etc.
4. Aeron. the position of an aircraft or spacecraft in relation to a given line or plane, as the horizon.

I heard someone talk about the aeronautical definition of attitude in relation to the way we live our lives. The pilot must make sure the plane is aligned correctly with the horizon when preparing to land or it can end very badly. Please forgive my lack of pilot-speak, but I think there's something to the comparison. If I am the pilot and come in too low for the landing, bad things happen. It puts me and the passengers on the plane at risk. What I do, the attitude I have, doesn't just affect me, it affects everyone around me. Isn't that like being around someone who is negative? Whether they are critical, impatient, rude, short-tempered, discouraging, apathetic, self-centered, arrogant or just a regular old Debbie (or Davey) Downer, it still brings us down with them. We are the passengers on the plane with the bad attitude.
If we have a positive attitude, encourage others, see the bright side of things, show kindness and respect, find joy in the simple things like a child's smile or the sun shining after days of rain, others see it and it we can bring them up with us.

I have spent time with people who have the ability to suck the happiness out of any situation. An uplifting speech, a sermon, a keynote presentation, a beautiful musical performance or just a fun activity? The wrong attitude, coming in too low on the plane, means they see something wrong, something to complain about or something they would've done better if they were in charge of the situation. Not only is it criticism, but it also seems arrogant to me.

I don't spend time with people like that if I can avoid it. If I can't avoid it, I try to pilot the plane to the ideal attitude. If I don't go along with that criticism, that arrogance they share as they belittle the efforts of others or see the sunshine as too bright, too hot, etc.,  I have the power to maintain my better attitude. I may need to circle around and try my approach again, but I have that ability. I am the pilot. Every single day I aim to keep the horizon in alignment and make sure the attitude I share with others is what it should be.

Today I witnessed both ends of the attitude spectrum. I saw people who have so many things to be thankful for act as if they have never seen the sunshine. Later, I saw my children playing in a fountain. They were running and playing in the water with such joy on their faces that I was nearly brought to tears. The simple act of playing in water, the unexpected shooting up of the water, the challenge of running between the sprays without getting wet, the simplicity of the time spent together filled with carefree enjoyment. They showed me how we can change our attitudes and how those same attitudes rub off on those around us by sharing that joy with me.

As cliched as it sounds, I can take control of my attitude and hope others stay on the plane and soar with me. We may need to adjust our approach, we may need to fly in a holding pattern from time to time, but it is possible to have that positive attitude and share it with you.

(this self-help moment brought to you by all those power of positive thinking infomercials that run in the middle of the night)

What am I doing?

Change is normal. It happens whether we want it to or not. In the past several years I (like most of us) have faced changes and challenges. It has been said that adversity doesn't build character, it reveals character. I may not like the adversity I have faced, but I know I am more confident, stronger and better equipped to face the future than I was 5 years ago. I won't bore you with the country song that my life has become. If you know me you know it by heart. If you don't know me, it will suffice to say I have plenty of material to take to Nashville and write an entire album for some country star.

In addition to the challenges I've faced, I have found more love and kindness and support than I ever hoped to find. I have reconnected with friends from years past, and find that we pick up where we left off, but it is better now. We are more mature, more comfortable with who we are and less worried what others think of us. We take one another at face value, we don't criticize or judge one another (unless we need some tough love). We help each other up and back on the path we are walking together. My friends and loved ones from recent years have watched me take one of the most difficult steps of my life and, as much as it hurt each of us, have wished me well and helped me get this new adventure under way. I know it sounds cheesy, but I can't imagine the last months and years without such amazing people in my life. I am walking this new path, knowing you are with me and ready to pull me back on the path when I wander off, just as I am there to help you back on when the way is unclear.

Thank you for sticking with me - and reading this blog. I promise, next time I will not sound like a Hallmark store exploded.